An Ode to Captain America

Captain America: Civil War, the moment you have waited for.  No, not because it follows up the ridiculously popular and amazing Captain America: The Winter Soldier.  No, not because of its stellar critical reviews, including a 90% score on Rotten Tomatoes.  No, not because it's the longest running Marvel movie to date.  No, it is the moment you have waited so long and patiently for because it leads to my fantabulous (fangirl) review.  So here we go. (Apologies for the lateness.)

Like its predecessor, Captain America: Civil War explores political questions, specifically about government control in a world of "enhanced" people.  The film handles with masterful dexterity the question of whether or not the Avengers should fall under the United Nations' jurisdiction.  As much as I love Cap, I came into the theater thinking I might agree more with Iron Man's ideological side.  It's hard to argue against any regulation when you think of the Avengers' catastrophic collateral damage.  However, both Captain America and Iron Man were very sympathetic - both in terms of their characterization and their beliefs.  They have very clear scenes showing why they're approaching this issue the way they do.  These scenes make their conflict feel inevitable, but also understandable.  I'd explain the scenes in more detail, but I'm trying not to give spoilers.

(source: moviepilot.com)

I find it hilarious looking back at myself in 2014 when I thought Captain America 2 was a little violent for my taste.  Watching this movie, I cheered every time Cap kicked a man off a building or Black Widow did her classic thigh grab, or Iron Man got punched in every conceivable fashion.  I'm in so deep it's not even funny.  The action scenes are on point every time, which is especially important considering the plot revolves around conflict between superheroes.  Hardly a scene goes by without major ass-kicking right and left, up and down, sideways and diagonally.  (Whoever coordinated the fights deserves an award.)  People never stop jumping off bridges or buildings.  Captain America even prevents a helicopter from taking off with his unfairly large biceps.

The movie also has its funny moments, although most of them are not exactly witty or quippy like in previous Marvel films. The characters were more amusing in their humor, especially Spider-Man and Ant-Man.  Those two are bae.  Who am I kidding, everyone in this movie is bae!  Black Panther had a brief but stunning introduction, which I hope intrigues enough people to watch his standalone movie.  Civil War also expands on some of the heroes' powers, including Scarlet Witch and Ant-Man.  If these guys get any cooler, I won't be able to stand it.

Seeing a story as multi-faced as Civil War with as many characters as it has, I knew it could have no neat, solid ending.  Any ending that tried to repair a rift that has existed between Captain America and Iron Man since Avengers would have felt rushed and inappropriate, so I'm glad the movie didn't go there.  Despite me having this opinion, and even after a 2 hour 27 minute runtime, I discovered I still wanted more of the fun, more of the characters, more of the plot.  I had such a fun time watching the movie - not just because of the nonstop action (though that was awesome) or the nuanced political theme (though that was awesome too).  What I loved most was watching the characters grow into their best and worst selves as they struggle with their relationships with each other and the harsh world around them.  Captain America, you did good.  In conclusion for my review, I leave you with a simple poem:

An Ode to Captain America: Civil War

O Captain! my Captain!
With your patriotic spandex and your little metal frisbee,
You have defied all logic and raised fangirl havoc everywhere
You took on Iron Man to stand for what you believed in
(freedom)
While you were kicking ass and taking names,
You never lost your faith in your best friend Bucky
Or your ability to jump off twenty story buildings
O Captain! my Captain!
You have the best sequels in the MCU
Civil War is no different, as all the critics agree,
Tackling superhero battles with finesse and skill
And not being a mess like DC's BvS
O Captain! my Captain!
We salute you, dear Captain!

Don't Tell Me Not to Worry

Dear Friends & Family,

I could think of a hundred moments when you told me not to worry.  When I had a math final.   When I had a college interview.  When I had to speak in public.  Any time I feared failure.  You would list all of my blessings and tell me that grades/success/money didn’t matter and that you loved me anyway.  In light of that, what reason did I have to worry?

What reason did I have to lie in my bed shaking uncontrollably, or feel my chest tightening, or hear my breath getting shallower and shallower as the panic devoured me?  When I told you about my anxiety symptoms, you would tell me not to worry.  You would try to prevent me from sobbing so hard on your shoulder through a few Band-Aid phrases.  I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but that hasn’t worked.

I know that in America we’re supposed to pursue happiness.  Often, I suck at doing that.  If I have to cry, don’t stop me.  If I have to stress, let me stress.  If I have to vent, just listen to me.  If I have to feel, don’t tell me otherwise.  Because I’m tired of holding it in for your sake.

I’m sick of feeling bad for not being ‘normal.’  Of anxiety about anxiety.  Of trying not to make you worry.  I don’t want to live that way anymore, and I’m sure you don’t want me to, either.  Fiction author John Green writes: “That’s the thing about pain.  It demands to be felt.”  I should have known as soon as I first read that line that he struggles with mental health.  His words described my condition with such cutting accuracy.  My pain demands to be felt.  My worry demands to be felt.

Do you still think I shouldn’t look at my anxiety that way?

            Tell yourself to be happy.  Tell yourself to be so rip-roaring ecstatic that you want to jump out of your chair and do cartwheels and a dance number from Grease.  Tell yourself to be so giddy that you can't stop laughing.  Stop reading this letter so you can try it.  Can you do it?  I might sound extreme, but commanding yourself to rise to such heights of happiness is as ridiculous as telling me to not feel anxious—especially when I am trapped inside a tornado of fear.

            I know you don't want me to feel unhappy.  I don’t want to feel unhappy, either.  You may hope that the right words will eradicate my fears.  Your comforting speeches do offer hope when my brain is blaring red alert 24/7.  But words can't heal me.  Even less so when they command my emotions to leave or change.

            I admit these ideas aren’t mine.  I have learned a lot in the past year about Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), which boils down to psychological flexibility.  Psychological flexibility allows me to accept whatever I am thinking or feeling (even if it is ‘bad’) while engaging in activities that matter to me.  ACT has taught me that my thoughts, sensations, and mental images are less scary than I have interpreted them.  Does that mean that I no longer deal with anxiety?  No.  It means that I fight my anxiety less often and less intensely.  It’s okay for me to not be okay sometimes.

            I'm not saying that I never want to hear reassuring words from you, because I do.  I wish they could do even more for me.  I want you to remind me how much you love me and how many good things I have and how important I am.  In the end, however, part of me will never believe you.  Never.  The volume of that voice will vary.  Some days it will speak in a small whisper that I can easily ignore.  Some days the voice will ring louder, harsher.  Some days, my mind will scream over and over again: NONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONO!  DANGER! DANGER! YOU CAN’T DO IT YOU’RE NOT WORTH IT YOU’RE A FAILURE!

            When that happens (and it will), instead of telling me not to feel anxiety, tell me that, even as I feel it, you still care for me.  That would make me feel far less ashamed and guilty about my mental health.  Even on the days when I have my anxiety "under control," remember that it has not left forever.  I have to live with it, and if you don’t accept that, my task becomes all the more difficult.  I know you want to support me, because why else would you read this letter?  I hope this has helped you to learn how to support me even better than you already have.

Love,

Me

Batman v Superman: Dawn of Just Okay

I've made no attempts to hide my preference for Marvel as a superhero fan, but because I liked The Flash so much, I wanted to give the DC cinematic universe a shot.  Batman v. Superman seemed to promise a gritty conflict between "god" and "man" as well as a solid introduction to the Justice League.  Instead, this unwieldy blockbuster becomes bogged down with uninteresting character nondevelopment, odd dream sequences, and a dragged out plot.  Between Wonder Woman and some intense action, the movie remained mildly entertaining, but I wouldn't go out of my way to watch it again.

I'll give the film credit for its basic idea.  If someone like Superman really existed, there would be controversy on a social, political, and personal scale - great fodder for nuanced storytelling.  Unfortunately, Batman's reasoning for taking on Superman are paltry at best.  Even if there's a 1% chance for Superman to be bad, he claims they should take it as an "absolute."  Okay, I don't know much about Bruce Wayne, but logic or math do not appear to be his forte here.  In the first scene, one of Wayne's buildings is destroyed in the battle featured in Man of Steel, killing one of his employees (his name was Jack, but for the first few times I kept hearing "Dad" and I was really confused).  If it had been his dad who died in the destruction, it would better justify Batman's rampant killing and irrational, impassioned opposition to Superman.  As it stands, Batman dislikes Superman because he's too... super?  I don't even know.

(source: youtube.com)

Another character I couldn't understand was Lex Luthor, who turns out to be yet another boring and flat villain.  Hollywood has not gotten a handle on how to create complex antagonists, especially in superhero flicks.  I couldn't tell if Luthor hated Superman, Batman, or both for most of the movie.  Even when he reveals his "master plan," his various schemes fall apart pretty quickly and I never felt much suspense.  Luthor himself acts stereotypically "psychotic," as Lois Lane calls him, in a way that contributes nothing to portraying him or mental health in a complicated fashion.  It was so easy to write him off as "unstable," and I hate even saying that because he still could have been an interesting human character.  He just wasn't treated that way.  I'm sure the comics do Lex Luthor way more justice.

As for Superman, his characterization (if you could call it that) ties closely to Lois Lane - AKA a shameful waste of Amy Adams.  Their "epic" romance is encapsulated in the several times he rescues Lane from certain death - a classic damsel-in-distress formula to make the superhero look awesome and to give him a meaningful motivation.  Yawn.  At least we had Wonder Woman!  For like, three or four scenes.  I liked her badass fight skills, but despite this, she didn't do all that much.  I did like the part where Superman asks Batman "Is she with you?" and Batman replies, "I thought she was with you."  She's not with EITHER OF YOU, PUNKS!  Glad she's getting her own movie.

I mentioned the dream sequences, which are all in Batman's perspective and are all extremely unnecessary.  To be fair, I didn't like the dream sequences in Age of Ultron, either.  The only purpose they seem to serve in both movies is to set up for future movies in the most confusing way possible.  They failed to contribute to the story or Batman's characterization in any meaningful way.  (I even stepped out to go to the bathroom during one of them.)

Batman v. Superman did not make me excited for future DC movies.  If anything, it made me nervous about Marvel's Captain America: Civil War.  BvS shows us how a battle between superheroes does not necessarily equal a great film, good storytelling, or even decent characterization.  Perhaps I could have appreciated the movie better if I'd already possessed a taste for DC's distinct style of comics and heroes.  However, as it stands, I could live without seeing any more of Batman or Superman.

Zootopia: Disney Hits Us in the Feels Yet Again

I always knew my friends were the cutest in town, but I didn't fully understand how cute they could really be until we watched Zootopia on Friday.  As soon as the credits began rolling, one of them clutched their chest and announced that they felt so warm and fuzzy inside.  They each talked about different moments when they almost (or did) cry, and then gushed about the characters' various charms and jokes for the entire car ride back.  The thing is, they were totally right to react this way.

Zootopia is about a bunny named Judy Hopps who wants to become a police officer, but because of her size and species she's not taken very seriously.  She stakes her career on investigating a case of a missing otter, one of many predators that have mysteriously disappeared, and ropes in a fox named Nick Wilde to help her.  Judy has a ton of spunk, not letting the physical challenges of her small stature or the frowning opposition from everyone stop her from pursuing her dream.  Nick, on the other hand, basically wants to be left alone.  He's surrendered himself to the fox stereotype of slickness and slyness, and he's always ready with a quip against Judy.  However, she's not one easily put down.

(Source: movies.disney.com)

These two characters have an undeniable chemistry together that somewhat reminded me of Flynn and Rapunzel from Tangled.  Her bubbly, irrepressible optimism and his sarcastic realism create a fun contrast that makes for entertaining conflict and awesome banter - my greatest weakness.  Their budding friendship opens up a deep conversation about predator and prey relations in a society that has supposedly evolved past such barriers (*cough* the racial themes abound *cough*).  Theirs seems to remain an exclusively platonic relationship, although with Disney you can never be sure (I kid, I kid - mostly).

I can't stress this enough, but the movie is really, really funny.  Just look at the trailer and you'll grasp only a tiny portion of it.  My friend said they milked the movie for all it's worth, and I think she's right.  Every possibility of humor you can get from a world of anthropomorphic animals, you can be sure they addressed it at least once.  But it wasn't just the humor that they addressed. The story didn't wrap up quite so quickly or neatly like I expected, so I congratulate the writers for pushing the plot further and digging deeper into the bias theme than I had thought they would.

Zootopia has a wide scope: it's a feelsy and hilarious family flick and it's a beautiful animation, but it's also a sophisticated demonstration of unconscious social bias.  I admire Disney for tackling such a tricky issue, one that as a woman of color I could relate to in a world that often fails to recognize its own diversity.  Zootopia doesn't beat you over the head with its big moral lesson, thanks to the movie couching itself in lighthearted comedy and telling its story through the eyes of two relatable characters who both have to work through others' and their own prejudices.  While watching this movie you will laugh, you might cry, and you will hopefully think more critically about how you perceive others.  Thank you, Disney, for doing such a great job once again!

Agent Carter Season 2

I will always consider Agent Carter one of the most woefully under-appreciated branches of the Marvel Universe - which is especially unfortunate considering how few great female leads we get in television these days.  You don't even need to be a Marvel fan to appreciate the superb acting, characterization, suspense and humor.  If you haven't seen the first season, check out my review from last year and watch it for yourself.

This season revolves around Zero Matter, a mysterious other-worldly substance that a super-sketchy company called Isodyne Energy has been researching.  Whitney Frost, the mastermind behind Isodyne, uses her status as a beautiful woman and actress to hide her true purposes.  Peggy comes to Los Angeles to figure out what Zero Matter is, and she stays to stop Frost from getting out of hand.  At the season's end, I wasn't sure how to feel about Frost, who had been a brilliant and powerful Madame Masque.  I don't want to give anything away, but I thought they could have wrapped up her storyline in a more nuanced way.

(Source: abc.go.com)

Peggy and Jarvis continue to have the best (platonic) on-screen chemistry I've seen in a long time.  On the outset, Jarvis is aching to join Peggy on her new adventures in L.A. for the adrenaline rush he remembers from their previous partnership.  Unfortunately, he learns the painful cost of Peggy's line of work.  I applaud James D'Arcy's portrayal of his character as he undergoes emotional tumult in his relationship with Peggy and his wife as the season progresses.  Speaking of, Ana Jarvis was a star addition to the cast.  Her personality was both unexpected and refreshing; I wish I had seen even more of her.  And Howard Stark is as eccentric as always (#MarryMeDominicCooper).

(Source: Wikipedia)

Honestly though, the two most interesting characters (aside from Peggy) were on the antagonistic side.  Dottie Underwood/Black Widow sucks in your attention like a super vacuum every time she appears; her presence always keeps you simultaneously uneasy and intrigued.  Also I'm 99.9% she has a crush on Peggy.  (Mostly because in episode one she dresses up as her and then demands why Peggy is not interrogating her once she's in custody.)  She's cunning, she's intense, she's sassy.  What more could you want from a villainess?

Meanwhile, Agent Jack Thompson is as much of a jerk as you remember.  This season, he's influenced by his mentor Vernon, the most obviously evil man since Senator Palpatine in the Star Wars prequels.  Vernon feeds Thompson's ambition to try to turn him against Peggy, and I kept wondering if Thompson would totally give in to the dark side.  Peggy repeatedly demonstrates faith in his goodness - way more than I would have had in her place - but the writers deftly keep him on the line between good and bad.  Made me look closer at him that I would have otherwise.

(Source: tumblr.com)

Now about the love triangle.  Although I consider love triangles my pet peeve, this one is tolerable thanks to the likability of both the men that fall for Peggy.  I like how they explored racial themes through Jason Wilkes, a black scientist who experiences discrimination similar to the sexism Peggy faced.  He's charming (see above GIF), and I appreciated seeing him as a love interest for a white female character.  On the other hand, Daniel has had two seasons' worth of development with Peggy, but their relationship has become complicated since he moved (ran away) from New York to become the chief of the Los Angeles-based SSR.  Since Peggy manages to have chemistry with literally everyone, she has no issues in that department with either Jason or Daniel.

There are so many other things I could talk about, but I've probably rambled long enough.  Season 2 had its flaws, but it still won me over thanks to its phenomenal actors, charming characters, and non-stop suspense.  Even though the ratings look grim, I hope Agent Carter is renewed.  They left a few loose ends, and I'd really like to know more about Peggy's brother.  He was very likable in the few flashbacks they showed him in, and I can't imagine they'd leave a character like that in the wayside.  Fingers crossed for a third season!

Deadpool IS a Love Story (Not Kidding)

Even with amateur knowledge about Deadpool, I knew promotional pictures like this had to be a joke.  He's the merc with a mouth, the irreverent anti-hero, the master of sexual innuendo.  Yet, somehow, this rated-R movie that never stops the violent action or fourth-wall-breaking is actually a love story.  But I'm getting ahead of myself.

From the rolling credits, the movie exhibits Deadpool's cheeky humor as it claims to star "a British villain," "comic relief," "a moody teenager" and to be directed by "an overpaid tool."  Deadpool, also known as Wade Wilson (Marvel really loves their alliterative names), whips out many more quips to the studio, the audience, and other characters.  Often his jokes concern the filthiest things you can imagine.  But that's Deadpool.  What I love best about this character is that he always stays true to his identity.  Even during the intense pain of experimentation that gave him powers, he never loses his sense of humor - despite the villain predicting he would.  He never claims to "be the hero" and in fact rejects that label every time someone tries to put it on him.  Of course I don't agree with everything he does, but I respect his self-assurance.  His attitude says "This is WHO I AM, and I don't give a [insert word that does not belong on my blog] about what you say!"

When we're introduced to Deadpool, he's counting down the bullets as he (quite colorfully) kills a range of guys as he looks for someone named Francis.  Through several flashbacks, Deadpool takes us back to his former life as mercenary Wade Wilson when meets an escort named Vanessa.  After a banter-filled date at the arcade, we watch them get to know each other and fall in love.  They have just agreed to marry each other when Wade discovers he has terminal cancer.  Not wanting her to watch him die, Wade leaves her and agrees to experimentation under a man named Ajax.  (Minor spoiler, he turns out to be the much less cool "Francis Freeman.")  Wade gains a regenerative healing factor, but at the cost of physical disfigurement - or as the "comic relief" puts it, looking like an avocado had sex with an older avocado.  Francis claims he could cure that side effect but chooses not to.

Too ashamed of his appearance and afraid of how it will affect Vanessa, Wade tries to track Francis down so he can be cured and return to her.  The violence, interrogations, and donning of the Deadpool persona thus turn out to be his method to reunite with Vanessa.  Now you see what I'm saying about the love story?  Their relationship motivates him throughout the film, although how that ends veers into major spoiler territory so I won't go there.  What I appreciated most about their romance was that despite her status as an escort, he's more interested in getting to know her as a person first.  (I will not deny the, ahem, steamier stuff that comes quickly afterward, but the order of events is what matters here!)  I could see how their view on life and their personalities made them click so well, and I liked their time onscreen.

Ryan Reynolds killed it as Deadpool (I'd apologize for the pun, but I'm really, really not sorry).  I knew he would, because I've seen him play characters with similar personalities before.  I'm glad that his initial (terrible) debut in a previous X-Men movie didn't oust him from a much better version of the character.  The X-Men Colossus and Negasonic Teenage Warhead were cool too, except I didn't see as much of them as I thought I would.  Although the only exposure to the X-Men franchise I've had is the First Class movie and a few comics, I liked how they hinted at Deadpool's connection to it.  This movie makes me wonder if Fox could pull off their own version of the MCU, because things weren't looking good after Fantastic Four.  I suppose I'll have to bide my time until Deadpool 2 comes out.

Irene Morgan (One Year Later)

If you saw my Facebook post last week, you'll know that after almost a year, I discovered that the Scripps College Journal had published one of my poems.  I had written it for Introduction to Creative Writing under the prompt: "Write about a historical figure."  At first I wanted to write about Rosa Parks, but then I discovered Irene Morgan, who had actually refused to give up her bus seat 10 years before Parks did.  I'm glad I was able to offer her at least a little more visibility through my writing, which I hope you'll enjoy here.

Irene Morgan

Spoiled meat sandwich in my hand,
Shuddering metal underneath my feet.
Black and white bodies shouldn't
Be in the same line of poetry, let alone
On the same old bus with tired blue rust.
It's what the law demands, yes?
Wait.  They keep trying to erase our side
Of the colored line, but our edges still grate.
"Lady!" the driver shouts at me.  He means bitch.
"Get outta that seat and go to the back!"
I see his puckered pink mouth,
His fat face ripe as a plum,
Yet he calls himself white?
I think I would rather release
My feet from the spine-snapping weight
Of wiping wet noses and stuffing
The mouths of my family like turkeys,
And of daily building green metal birds
Whose droppings can kill and win wars,
And of working underneath angry sunshine,
Picking white puffs spurting from their leaves,
And feeding them to the master's rolling machine.
I turn my eyes to the plum-faced bus driver.  I smile,
And in the same creamy, dripping voice I use when

Speaking to my children, I tell that driver he can just go to hell.